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Yes.... I think you saved me from a terrible mistake.... You said I wasnt to speak of it. But I must now, just this once, then it goes into the realm of things utterly forgotten. You remember the night you found me on the stairs.... I expect you guess somewhere near the truth. Dont look like that. It was as much my fault as his. I was ready to snatch at anything to fill my life. I thought I couldbut I couldnt.
Why are we disgraced? said Claudia calmly, also forced to assume a position she had never meant to take. Shes not your wife, shes Jacks. A satirical smile curved her lips as she tried to imagine Gilbert married to The Girlie Girl.
No, he said, but you havent any big objective in life. My dear Claudia, if you understood the keen competition nowadays, you wouldnt mind a mans thoughts straying back to the fray. You dont really, you are much too clever to want a stupid, love-sick swain who can talk or think of nothing else but love. You have said many times that you are in complete sympathy with my ambitions. Dont be feminine and illogical. I was flattering myselfhe put his hand on hers with his most engaging smilethat I had won a super-feminine and logical wife.
I was wondering why Nature took the trouble to bring us together. I have been in the country all day, and there she seemed so gentle, so beneficent, so sympathetic. You felt like throwing yourself down among the daisies on the grass and saying, Take me, everything you do must be good and wise. And in reality Nature is so cruel, so horribly cruel. Passion is Natures greatest[270] force after self-preservation, and I wonder how many thousands of lives it ruins. I never realized until recently that Love is cruel as the grave meant that.
I am afraid I am a little late, apologized Claudia, letting him take her cloak, but Oh, well! the Bridgemans are later, it seems, so I shant apologize any more.
Gilberts thoughts had raced ahead. Then if were married at the end of July, as is probable, youll be away? Thats too bad. I had relied on you for being best man.
And, of course, you always consider his wishes in every way, even small ones?
I have heard she is very handsome and a great favourite in Society, returned his mother gloomily. It is a bad report to my way of thinking. Thats how her mother started.